Appelbaum Dorman, you’re out of your element.

Months after taking a shellacking from yours truly, you want a little more from the Hebrew Hammer.

You were wrong on the Super Bowl prediction. You were wrong about the best sporting event of 2010. You’re going to be wrong again.

Look closely at the mug on the right. That photo was taken when Dorman was taking physical education classes with Spicoli. He was cheering Gale Gilbert on the Chargers. He was head banging to Meat Loaf on a Walkman.

Life hasn’t been kind to Dorman since. He injured himself on vacation in Mexico. He crashed a motorcycle in Costa Rica. He got married.

The United States of America will win a World Cup within the next 50 years. Sorry, brother.

I didn’t care or believe in 1994 or 2002 or 2006. I have faith today.

When Team USA beat Algeria 1-0, something changed. Landon Donovan’s goal in extra time is a moment all Americans can cherish, even if they care about soccer only once every four years. It was a moment of pride and inspiration.

Dorman I was surrounded by cheering fans at a local watering hole after that June 23 masterpiece. Dorman was there, too, sporting his red, white and blue headband, both arms extended to the sky.

Americans went bonkers at Pretoria, South Africa. I imagine similar scenes of ecstatic joy emanating across America, from New York City to Tuscaloosa, Ala.

Let’s be honest here. We wouldn’t even have this Showdown without that monumental win. The quality of U.S. soccer still needs to improve.

We already have the world’s greatest athletes. Americans dominate the Olympics. You’re saying we can’t do the same thing in soccer? Child, please.

The United States needs to find its soccer identity.

We need to create and follow a 12-year development program. Four years isn’t long enough. The biggest need is to find goal scorers—guys who have an absolutely terrific nose for finding the back of the net—and nurture them like baby seals. We need a defensive backfield that’s tough, smart and compact. We need savvy and creative midfielders. We’ll always have great goalkeepers.

This is the greatest country on earth, and it’s not because we think we’re better than anyone else. We take pride in how hard we work and the great things we accomplish. President John F. Kennedy said we are a nation of immigrants. That diversity will carry us on the pitch.

We’re going to win the World Cup. It’s only a matter of time.

Contact Eliav Appelbaum at eliav@theacorn.com.

My great-grandfather and I watched every match of the 1930 FIFA World Cup live on television from the grandiose La-Z-Boy sofa at his beachfront bachelor pad on the North Shore of Oahu.

Those sure were the good old days.

Norman Dorman III was light years ahead of his time. This was a pioneer who watched high-definition satellite TV while his neighbors huddled around AM radio trying to nail down dances such as the Charleston and the shimmy.

Decades later, my great-grandpa would serve as the inspiration for Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man in the World.

In those times, Appelbaum my son, the U.S. men’s team could score heaps of goals in a fashion similar to that of the greatest soccer-playing nations in the world today.

At the inaugural 1930 tournament the Red, White and Blue had a pair of outstanding strikers, Bertram Patenaude and Bartholomew McGhee, who combined to tally six goals in three matches.

Watching Bert and Bart help our boys blow through Belgium and Paraguay en route to a third-place finish was the most breathtaking display of American soccer great-grandpa or I had ever witnessed. Sadly, it was a performance that wouldn’t be repeated at subsequent World Cups.

Despite one massive upset (beating England in 1950), a dash of good fortune (Andres Escobar’s own goal in 1994) and a few eye-opening results (the quarterfinal run and subsequent robbery versus Germany circa 2002) America has mostly floundered on soccer’s grandest stage.

In 29 World Cup matches all time, USA has a ghastly 7-17-5 overall record and has tallied a meager 32 goals. I’ve seen them all, and it isn’t pretty.

Since the glory days of Bert and Bart, American strikers, as a collective unit, have been sadly pedestrian, which is strange considering it’s such a high-profile position on the pitch.

Of the 17 Americans that have scored World Cup goals, only six have done it more than once—Landon Donovan (five), Patenaude (four), Brian McBride (three), Clint Dempsey (two), John Souza (two) and McGhee (two). McBride, Patenaude and McGhee are the only strikers in that group.

Unless you play Italian-style defense, which we certainly don’t, mediocre strikers equal mediocre results at the World Cup.

Team USA’s inability to develop gamechanging finishers is a befuddling reality.

My great-grandpa always said that if we can put a man on the moon, then we should be able to put the ball in the back of the net on a regular basis. He was correct—as always—and until things change, bank on 50 more years of World Cup failure.

And that’s nothing but the truth. Contact Stephen Dorman at sdorman@theacorn.com.