If one can overcome the notion of a strikingly blonde, miniskirted Sandra Bullock being a

man-craving emotional piranhathen one might assume the premise of “All About Steve” has half a chance of working. Ispun as social parody and infused with intelligent, cutting-edge dialogue —sure, it might play ofour addiction to beauty the same way “Thank You for Smoking” lauded the genius of corrupt marketing.

But “All About Steve” plays with all the silly intelligence oa third-grade drama class, pitting Bullock, as the emotionally stunted Mary Horowitz, againsthe hapless, handsome Steve (Bradley Cooper), a blind date with whom Mary is instantly smitten.

Even though Steve bolts before the date really starts, Mary’s convinced they’re “soul mates” (presumably because he’s goodlooking) and then takes off on a frantic cross-country trek to track Steve down, presumably again in the name of love.

But Mary’s so desperate that, even played with Bullock’s girlnext-door goofy charm, she comes across as oddly creepy. It’s as if—having so little else to offer—this might be a slasher film in sheep’s clothing, about to catch us all by surprise.

The creep factor isn’t helped by the ridiculous perils that Mary encounters on her pursuit. (Steve’s a network cameraman who’s legitimately following newsworthy events across several states). At one point, Mary trails Steve into a media squall concerning a girl born with three legs. As pro and con protesters camp outside the hospital (and that would be pro and con amputation—I mean, c’mon, creepy or what?—Mary’s interest only lies in confronting Steve about their relationship.

Sorry, but if there’s some underlying social commentary here, it’s way over my head. As for Mary’s social proclivity, she joins the “con” side, simply because they have better snacks.

Later on, a gaggle of deaf children become trapped in an abandoned mine shaft. (I checked to see if the Farrelly Brothers—“Shallow Hal,” “Stuck on You”—were somehow connected with this film, but they’re not.) Along with Steve and CCN news reporter Hartman Hughes (Thomas Haden Church), Mary’s there, of course, bumbling through the scene of the accident. But when she abruptly turns heroic—well, it’s a character arc just out of left field.

Suddenly she’s all grown up and normal, and I guess the joke’s on all of us who could do nothing but pity this pretty sociopath. Ah, now I’ve learned my lesson!

Sorry, but I just don’t get it. There’s very little depth or purpose or rationale to this film. Yeah, there are a few cute moments, a few smilealoud bumbling pratfalls, but for the most part the dialogue’s as idiotic as the situations Mary encounters.

There’s wayyyy too much attention paid to Mary’s red boots (an inside gag, or just another metaphor for man’s inhumanity to man?). Leaving the theater, I think I was too comatose to even wonder.